Want to sleep well tonight? Advice for the whole family from a Children’s Hospital sleep expert

Photo above by Kate Stone Matheson via Unsplash. 

It can be difficult, especially with the holiday season approaching, to make sure the whole family gets plenty of sleep. And with digital devices and social media in the mix, bedtime can be especially challenging. But good sleep (and plenty of it) is vital for our mental and physical well-being.

So Kidsburgh sat down with Dr. Deepa Burman, co-director of the Pediatric Sleep Evaluation Center at UPMC Children’s Hospital and an associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Pittsburgh, to talk about common sleep challenges and ways that families can tackle them.

Below, she offers evidence-based tips and strategies to empower kids and adults to enhance their sleep.

WHAT IS YOUR ‘SLEEP NEED’?

We often hear that adults need eight hours of sleep per night and kids need even more. But while those are good guidelines, sleep needs are actually quiet personal. You can think of sleep needs a bit like shoe sizes, Burman says.

“Different people — the same age, same weight, same height — still can have different sleep needs,” she says. “So what we have to do as a parent and for ourselves, is to find out: What is our sleep need and what is our child’s sleep need?”

“Sometimes we can’t really compare it to their peers,” because a child may need less sleep than others. “On the other hand, we might have a child who we think is getting a normal amount of sleep for their age, but they might just be on that higher end of normal.”

We can figure out a child’s actual sleep need (and our own) by looking at “how much sleep the person needs to feel fit and carry out their day-to-day activities,” she says.

THE GIFT OF SLEEP

Battling over bedtime can lead to a child having a negative relationship with sleep. It’s better for everyone to approach sleep as “a treat, as opposed to a punishment,” Burman says. That positive and healthy relationship with sleep is valuable for the whole family.

One key: Be a great role model.

When parents talk to kids about the value of sleep and prioritize good sleep  themselves, bedtime becomes a more positive experience. You’re “helping them understand,” she says, “as opposed to telling them that this is what you need to do.”

Also, help them learn that children’s biological sleep needs are different from the sleep needs of adults.

“I have younger kids, and sometimes I stay up and work and finish up stuff after they come to bed, and that’s okay. But then telling them that, ‘Hey, you need 10, 11 hours, and I only need seven, eight hours,” Burman says.

“I feel like the problem happens when they catch you in the middle of the night watching that web series or movie and snacking, and then instantaneously they kind of think this is the norm, and this is how they should be behaving.”

CONSISTENCY IS KEY

The most important factor is a steady sleep schedule.

Many people focus on controlling their bedtime routine, and a good bedtime routine can be beneficial. But “if there is one thing that every single human can do for their sleep, it’s to wake up at the same time each day.”

If you’re having sleep issues, begin waking at exactly the same time each day. And even if you’re not having sleep problems, make sure to wake within 30 to 45 minutes of the same time every day of the week – even on weekends.

HELPING TEENS AND PRETEENS
With preteens and teens, “there’s almost a storm of things that happen.”

• They’re feeling the stress of hormonal changes and an emerging natural tendency to stay awake later and wake up later.
• They have friends who are awake late and may want to message.
• They may feel the urge to check social media or to be gaming online with friends.
• They are using more electronics for school, often doing homework on screens late in the evening.

So try to be patient. Parents and caregivers can suggest better sleep habits, but “it has to come from them,” Burman says. “No one can change those habits for them. And sometimes it’s better working on small goals one at a time, as opposed to trying to change it all at once.”

MANAGING LIGHT

Many families are aware that light from digital devices, especially handheld ones, can keep us awake. So it’s important to limit exposure in the hours right before sleep. But “we actually sometimes forget the ambient light,” she says.

As it gets darker in the evening, we tend to turn on more lights. “We should be actually dimming the lights at night,” Burman says. As it gets later, try “decreasing your ambient light in the house at least by 50%, compared to the earlier hours of the evening.”

“If you’re reading, maybe have a book light on the book,” rather than turning on a bright lamp.

Dimming the lights will create a calming environment for the whole family. It also creates the natural release of melatonin that we all need.

FACTS ABOUT MELATONIN SUPPLEMENTS

Melatonin supplements aren’t approved for children unless they have proven deficiency. And even for adults, “less is always more,” Burman says. “The lowest dose possible is actually the best. When you start going up higher and higher on the melatonin, that kind of trickles down into the daytime” and can cause grogginess.

Also, learn more about what the supplement actually does. Some people have come to believe “it’s like this, quick fix, magic pill for healthy sleep. It doesn’t work like that,” she says. “It is a sleep aid and not a sleep producer.”

The market is booming right now for supposed quick-fix products, because “we are all sleep-deprived. We have just so much on our plates right now, compared to even 10 years ago.”

MANAGING ELECTRONICS AND EMOTIONS

It’s not just teens that struggle with putting down their electronics — especially the use of social media — at bedtime, Burman says.

“Having an electronic plan is so important,” she says, for adults as well as kids. Even though she’s a sleep expert, Burman herself has a plan in place to limit her social media scrolling.

So again, be patient with the whole family.

Social platforms “work on the dopamine pathways that make you feel happy, that makes you feel addicted. And guess what? Those are the pathways that are really, really sensitive in our adolescents. If, as adults, we have a challenging time controlling our urges, they definitely have a lot more challenges because their brains are not yet fully developed. So that’s where the plan comes in.”

You don’t have to stop using electronics at 5 o’clock in the afternoon, she says, “but maybe 30 minutes, 45 minutes, almost an hour before bedtime.”

Also, talk with kids about having a plan for any anxiety they may feel in the evening about social media or anything else.

For adolescents, “having a scheduled ‘worry time,’ I feel, is really important,” Burman says, “because there is just so much going on at school or in their social lives these days that it’s hard for children to process.”

So encourage them to check in about their feelings a few hours before bedtime, so that they don’t get too worked up right before sleeping. Early in the evening, writing in a worry journal or gratitude journal (or both) can be helpful. Collaborate with your child to plan ways they can manage and release worries. If particular worries surface early in the evening, you can calmly brainstorm with them about good ways to manage whatever is concerning them.

Having a plan for expressing and managing feelings “can take some of those stressors away from these young people.”

Also, let them know that the more sleep they get, the more able they will be to handle difficult feelings if they arise.

TO SNACK OR NOT TO SNACK?

It’s also good to have a plan for food and drink in the hours before bedtime. Being hungry can make it hard to fall asleep or stay asleep. At the same time, being too full will also disrupt sleep.

So take note of whether your child is often a bit hungry at night or if they are only snacking to deal with stress or out of habit. Talk with them about the impact of food on sleep and have them test out different approaches.

Also, as with any time of day, the quality of nighttime snacks matters.

“Talking about melatonin, there are a lot of foods that kind of have naturally safe sleep-promoting qualities. So focusing on those foods like berries or tart cherries, or walnuts if there’s not an allergy. I think it’s a great way of eating those hormones without grabbing a pill from a bottle.”

For some people, milk is also helpful because it contains tryptophan.

Avoid caffeine near bedtime, of course. (Here’s some good caffeine-related advice from local experts.)

HELPFUL DETAILS

If you’re looking to try other ideas that have no side effects, some people find the scent of lavender relaxing (though Burman points out that there is no research data on lavender as a sleep aid). You can also experiment with other types of aromatherapy or using white noise or the sound of a fan blowing.

More than anything, though, Burman recommends approaching sleep in a positive way – as something you and your kids can look forward to. And always wake yourself at a consistent time each day, weekends included.

“That,” Burman says, “is the most important message.”